Why Chanology Sucks, Part I

This probably won't be the last time I rant about this in an actual essay archive of mine, but I haven't saved past works so it is the first time on this bloggy device. Let's launch into this. Before we begin we should say why we have all this contact info inside Chanology things: we helped start it, in the early days that few remember of "Hey you know who's batshit, this Scientology thing, let's prank call them and maybe some bomb threats and antrhax scares from the more daring Anon might get even more lulzy richness. Fuck this shit is so big let's tell other people to come help us fuck with this international organization." Eventually it seems some Goons and Gaians and all sorts of people somehow got into our name, like a sheep in wolf's skin. The wolves got pissed and left; we went back to brood on /b/and raaaaaged, and are raging to this day. Now the funny thing about sheep in wolves skin is that they try to make the wolves look like a really cool justice league, watching Fight Club even more then /b/ and probably any movie that has the Illuminati. They seeped into us like a cancer, turning a hateful but most importantly not serious business group of imageboard users into... them. Arguing the epilepsy raid was not actually Anonymous, and I've seen some strong anti-racism and anti-pedo comments from them. That won't fly.


Here is a grand example of the faggotree of morality and what it does; poor moot, I hope he does not get this shit. Send to a Chan Enterprises contact address that was on the first press release (about raiding and illegal attacks, back in early January... has it really been so long?)

-TRANSMISSION LOG|CHAN ENTERPRISES|ANONYMOUS REPRESENTATIVE-

Hi Anonymous,

Do you still get email at this address? If so I have some information that you might be interested in.

If you receive this email please let me know and I'll get back to you with the details and see what you think. I'd love to hear what you could do with this.

Thanks so much,
jane

Not being one to pass up a trolling opportunity, we decided to give it a shot

Why yes, we do. We have been away for a bit but we are here now. What information do you have?

Brace for faggotree impact

Hi Anonymous,

It's nice that you have returned after being away for a bit.

I hope that you like puppies and like helping innocent victims. I hope that you love justice and fairness. I hope that you hate corrupt government, bullies, and corrupt companies.

Those are the things that are involved in this matter.

A small town Mayor is hurting, abusing and torturing a sweet little puppy. The folks that care for the puppy have been threatened and are being victimzed too. It's all being done for greed and profit and to enrich a corrupt company.

It's a fascinating story which shows how government really works, - or doesn't work for the average guy. It demonstrates the corruption of government and a company and how they work together to cheat the average person.

The victims need help. The puppy can't stand up for himself. His owners have been threatened with being sued into oblivion if they talk about the situation. They are already being screwed by the town and live in fear.

The word needs to get out. Shining a light on corruption is often effective. I know that you can get the word out. You can even do it on an international level.

The owners don't know anything about how to be anonymous, but then neither do I.

I'd like to tell you the story. I'd like to send you a photo of the puppy.

There are other photos and papers which document the story.

It would be great if you and some of the people in the anonymous group could review the story.

Sincerely,

jane

Just as we fucking well expected. Ah well, launch the troll probes; these images were displayed inline in the email

Mrs. Anderson,
Thank you for alerting us to this fact. Our operatives have already begun research; in fact, we have gathered the following documentation:



Obviously this man is sick and must be stopped. Anonymous will put full efforts forward to find this man; his reign of dog killing is over. To waste toilets and resources in such an ineffective manner of slaughter is horrid; Anonymous can improve it with death-camps for dogs. You see, our enemies often purchase dogs to stop our hacking abilities, and it is a great problem for us. We hope this mayor will see the error of his ways and stop wasting time on a few single dogs when there is a whole city requiring a canine genocide.

Thank you for alerting us to this failure to act. We will do all in our power to get the word about.
--
Anonymous
Communications Division
Chan Enterprises LLC

What were you expecting from us Mrs. Anderson?

Chan,

Why do you mock my serious request?

Sincerely,

jane

She thinks my name is Chan because it says Chan Enterprises....

I'm fed up, let me just let her off with a warning and a touch of troll

Because, my dear Jane, Anonymous is not and never was a protest orginzation. Now if you have any more evidence on how the Jews did 9/11 that would be great, though the damned jew media would censor it anyways.

Well surely she will not message me back right? Oh no. Looks like Nancy Drew did some investigative reporting from definitive web sources:

Chan,

Anonymous certainly appeared to be protesting and exposing injustice. At least that is the (apparently mistaken) impression many people had. Perhaps anonymous should have posted a disclaimer or explanation of what kind of group it is, and stated that it is not at all concerned about human suffering, corruption, abuse, freedom, justice, etc.

So Chan just what is anonymous? A fun loving group of Scientologists who enjoy human suffering?

Well then I’ll let you get back to your popcorn and torture videos from Abu Ghraib prison.

“Anonymous is not and never was a protest orginzation” [sic]. - CHAN

Note: http://www.whyweprotest.net/

What’s that? They PROTEST? Hmmm, must be a different anonymous group.

Note 2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anonymous_(group) “The general public's mass introduction to the group began with Project Chanology, a protest against the Church of Scientology. The most visible element of the protest was mass protests of many Church . . . .

What’s that again? They PROTEST? No, it can’t be. SURELY they don’t protest! Not that!

Note 3: Well there’s more, but never mind. You get the picture. I can’t imagine how I ever got the idea that “Chanology” and anonymous PROTESTED or were concerned with social justice and freedom. Silly me.

I'm sure you will quickly correct all those erronous websites as soon as you and Tom are done watching the videos.

Oh don't forget: http://non.violentuprising.com/index.php/Main_Page Where it lists, PROTEST Guidelines, and Finished PROTESTS and Events, and goes on to add, ". . . join us on August 16th for our next global PROTEST."

Sincerely,

Jane

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

I thought she was on the right track when she mentioned loling@aru gharib, but damn, I mean, she has sources and quotes and everything and pointed out my singular spelling mistake with great care and I think she might even get some kind of witness in here oh shit how do I defend against this contention what kind of parliamentary move can stand in the way of her mighty oh wait yeah

OBJECTION!!!

*sigh*
How do we explain this... let's see, it is like this.


My name is not Chan. Chan Enterprises is sorta a joke because Anonymous comes from *chans, 4chan.org and some other *chans. 4chan was founded years ago by some guy named moot from Something Awful. It was based on 2chan, a Japanese website. The imageboard allows us to post without a name, leaving the default name Anonymous.



Through the medium of this Anonymous posting with no consequences for posts, and no bias based on who posted, we evolved a culture unlike any other. This culture is responsible for most internet memes, like Rickroll and Chocolate Rain and "lolcats" as they are called nowadays.



The general type of poster on imageboards are openly racist (with legit reasons too, stereotypes are based on fact), often pro-pedophilia, and are the source of a lot of annoyance online, doing website raids and hacking MySpaces, just for fun, because it entertains us. Some say that the fun little raid on the Epilepsy Forum was not us; bullshit, I was there for the whole shebang. Fun times.



Anyways eventually we decided to raid Scientology because it would be funny, and DDoS their sites and prank call them, and halfway through the thing our attempt to get some help backfired; people thought Anonymous was a protest organization, some fatass on JewTube started saying we should do peaceful protests, and everyone felt Anonymous was doing good and had a good name that our illegal actions should not ruin. Go ask anyone who has used the internet for more then a year what a /b/tard is and then tell me you expect that kind of person to protest a cult because we care.



The wiki page on us, the various websites, all shit created by the new trash who seem to think they can use Anonymous as a great protest justice force of a sort. We are no better then Scientology; hell, with the amounts of hate and child porn that have passed through our site we may be worse. I for one admire LolRon for making such a fucking awesome cult out of sci-fi that people pay money for. If only we could get site donations like that...



You really are mistaken. You should ask NAMBLA to protest for you, they honestly look better then us. Seriously, find some grassroots thing, PETA should take you on, maybe Neo-feminists (we raided them once, crazy bitches). Something Awful has a lot more moralistic folks then we do, pay 10 bucks to get to their forum (they are our distant digital father in a sense).



Fox News sure sounded dumb, but they were a lot more accurate then the reports on Chanology protesters being Anonymous.



Thank you for your time and have a nice lulz,

Anonymous

Imageboard Moderator

http://AnonTruth.on.nimp.org/

-END TRANSMISSION LOG-




Well there is only so long we can go without exploding and wondering if they will pass this along to their protest friends. Maybe there is an Enturbulation blogspot with a bunch of people with usernames like AnonEpicJustice where they are thinking how silly and narrow minded my post must be to think Anonymous is a hate group. I don't want to explicitly say that it is, because that assumes that there is a strict seriousbusiness type of regulation going, and I do so hate serious business, but there is no doubt that as a whole Anonymous is generally an asshole. Mrs. Anderson, and your silly protesters are just... unbelievably stupid and blind. I think CoS actually MADE a video showing what "delicious cake" really meant in our terms and you outright denied it when the loli boards were still kicking. Doesn't make a bit of sense, but I should not expect so much thought from a group who is working so hard at a grassroots vs megacorp, even one that is dying on its own. Yeah Chanology, they really don't need your help, it is a rich cult that did their shit well. Genocide and shit is going on and you really are doing a movement against one awesome sci-fi cult that believes in what could be an episode of Star Trek or something. The e-meter can't tell which of you two is stupidest.

Go on "Anonymous," shut down my evil CoS endorsement; well by shut down I mean, make some image-signs and walk around my blogspot saying some things, and maybe write a letter to your senator that wicked Kakama has gone off on a rant again, and by Xenu he is going to /r/ right now that everyone reading this donate to 420chan or 7chan DAMN YOU SINISTER BASTARD, A LONG TIME AGO YOU ALSO RAIDED A MYSPACE AND HURT SOME FEELINGS, WE WILL STOP YOU, OH DAMN YOU LET ME SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I HATE YOU WITH A YOUTUBE VIDEO ABOUT HOW YOU HURT PEOPLE AND ASK FOR MONEY AND HAVE A SCI-FI FETISH. YOUR REIGN OF TERROR IS OVVVVVVEERRRRRR oh but we're not gonna prank call you or anything cause that would be, like, wrong and stuff and we're the fucking Justice League.

Me, I'm going to go laugh at something stupid on the Internet, and maybe order a garlic pizza for someone I don't like; if I'm feeling really daring methinks asking Gamestop for Battletoads is in order. And loli. Copious amounts of loli. Because that is about the extent of what Anonymous "does" as an "organization." But If you want to go around under the name of a persona that has an average user who looks like a racist antisocial pedophile with Aspergers and a severe acne problem whilst living in their parent's basement, or just a generic semi-insane weirdo on the Internets, the kind responsible for an estimated 20% of the Internet being a bit less enjoyable for you, be my guest. Except don't, because it still makes me rage.

Oh, I need a quote to be as official and clearly legit as her. Here is one of my favorites and I think it fits:

"Oh the wonderful thing about Tigger, is a Tigger's a wonderful thing, their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs!"
- Tigger, Winnie the Pooh, circa childhood

Until next time.